Parenting FTW
December 16, 2016
*EDIT from June 8, 2020: I have not edited this since I wrote it back in 2016. I didn't hit "publish" because I was afraid of what others would think... I was afraid this was too much of my own thoughts and not that of "Our Blog". Guess what? This is MY freaking blog about myself and about my family. So these thoughts I express are my own, and not necessarily Isaac's or my kids, just mine. My thoughts and view points have changed (somewhat) from what I wrote, but the essence is still there. The raw vulnerability after reading something inspiring and just spilling my guts, that's there. Enjoy!
FTW: for the wine
FTW: F that way
FTW: for the weak
FTW: for the week
**FTW: FOR THE WIN!**
After reading Brene Brown's book "Daring Greatly" I have made myself more vulnerable, which has caused me more than ever to look at my weaknesses. One of my biggest weaknesses is thinking everyone has their sh*t together more than I do and that everyone is judging me for the way I am xyz (fill in the blank). Truth is, there are a lot of people that worry the same as I do. Surrounding myself with what Brown calls "wholehearted" people, has really helped to open my eyes and take control of my life. There have been studies that show we are most like our 5 closest friends, and this includes tactile things like our weight and finances as well as the more abstract like personality and perspectives. I used to think it was shallow to simply cast aside people who you thought were negative, poor and fat (judgmental much?), but have since realized we will naturally (one way or another) find ourselves gravitating towards those who align with our views and values. What does this have to do with parenting? Follow me
This little nugget! She is my world and makes me feel a love that I never knew existed. She can spit in my face and two seconds later tell me she loves me and I melt. Not even Isaac can do that (though he's still my chosen forever love).
I have felt for some time now that parents have been judging me so harshly because of how I choose to parent. The thing is, I have no f-ing clue what I'm doing! Sure, I've read the books, blogs, articles, magazines, and watched countless YouTube bits, but that gets so overwhelming (and contradicting!) that I tend to tune out all that noise. At 32 years old I felt that 25 year olds had a better understanding to this parenting thing than I did. I thought they were all judging me and shaking their heads, keeping their kids away from me and mine so I didn't "rub off" on them. Wow, talk about some HUGE insecurity! Brown points out this is totally normal, (THANK YOU!). Too many times I can beat myself over beating myself up. Turns out it's more of a societal trend to judge and shame other parents because we want to know we're right, and how can two people be right if what they are doing is so different? But instead of me thinking all these moms were doing it wrong, I simply thought I was doing it wrong (not that I had any one person ever say this to me, but damn, some of those articles and blogs can shame me good). Also, I found out some of these moms thought I was judging them (what?!?!?!) and I can only guess because I am older maybe I should have my act together more (or maybe I'm just really good at faking it and it intimidates people... btw, fake confidence almost always comes across negatively from me and to me). Confiding in moms close to my age and older (or even wholehearted younger moms), I find that the saying, "The more you know, the more you realize you don't know" is SO TRUE! I take comfort in these moms who open up to me, are wholehearted, vulnerable, loving and share they too have no clue what they are doing, but do it anyway because really, what else are you going to do? Give up? Not exactly an option.
"I am resilient" has become my motto, and anyone who really knows me (I'm looking at you specifically Marisa and Heather) knows this is true. The life I've lived could have easily gone in a different direction, and in fact did for a couple of my siblings. Why am I resilient? I didn't give myself another option. It was live or die. Go big or go home. Feeling sorry for myself was a luxury I couldn't afford and I mean that literally. The couple of times I've felt sorry for myself it has cost me dearly financially as well as torn/broken relationships (although I must note, I learned from those times, grew stronger, and have better relationships and finances than ever). Asking for help is a sign of weakness, but there are some that step up to the plate (what I call a true friend) and others that just can't deal. No judgement, for the latter, but that's why I chose to surround myself with those who can (and want to!) deal. Some people step up when faced with a tragedy (resiliency) others shy away, run or shrivel up. I'd say I have a pretty good bounce back rate due to the fact I've had to build a great amount of resiliency in my life... I've had "practice". All this gives me the true confidence that I can make myself more vulnerable, and know I will survive what comes my way. I choose to be my true authentic self and live my true authentic life. NOT what I think I "should" do and be. All this while still learning to be a better person (not best, because I'm not trying to put that kind of pressure on!).
Thinking about others and putting aside my wants and desires to help someone else has always helped me see beyond myself. Is it always easy? Nope. Do I always want to help someone? Nope. But the way I see it, for my daughter, I don't have a choice, she is my responsibility and no one is going to do it for me. I want her to see selfishness as a vice and selflessness as a virtue.
*EDIT from June 8, 2020: I have not edited this since I wrote it back in 2016. I didn't hit "publish" because I was afraid of what others would think... I was afraid this was too much of my own thoughts and not that of "Our Blog". Guess what? This is MY freaking blog about myself and about my family. So these thoughts I express are my own, and not necessarily Isaac's or my kids, just mine. My thoughts and view points have changed (somewhat) from what I wrote, but the essence is still there. The raw vulnerability after reading something inspiring and just spilling my guts, that's there. Enjoy!
FTW: for the wine
FTW: F that way
FTW: for the weak
FTW: for the week
**FTW: FOR THE WIN!**
After reading Brene Brown's book "Daring Greatly" I have made myself more vulnerable, which has caused me more than ever to look at my weaknesses. One of my biggest weaknesses is thinking everyone has their sh*t together more than I do and that everyone is judging me for the way I am xyz (fill in the blank). Truth is, there are a lot of people that worry the same as I do. Surrounding myself with what Brown calls "wholehearted" people, has really helped to open my eyes and take control of my life. There have been studies that show we are most like our 5 closest friends, and this includes tactile things like our weight and finances as well as the more abstract like personality and perspectives. I used to think it was shallow to simply cast aside people who you thought were negative, poor and fat (judgmental much?), but have since realized we will naturally (one way or another) find ourselves gravitating towards those who align with our views and values. What does this have to do with parenting? Follow me
This little nugget! She is my world and makes me feel a love that I never knew existed. She can spit in my face and two seconds later tell me she loves me and I melt. Not even Isaac can do that (though he's still my chosen forever love).
I have felt for some time now that parents have been judging me so harshly because of how I choose to parent. The thing is, I have no f-ing clue what I'm doing! Sure, I've read the books, blogs, articles, magazines, and watched countless YouTube bits, but that gets so overwhelming (and contradicting!) that I tend to tune out all that noise. At 32 years old I felt that 25 year olds had a better understanding to this parenting thing than I did. I thought they were all judging me and shaking their heads, keeping their kids away from me and mine so I didn't "rub off" on them. Wow, talk about some HUGE insecurity! Brown points out this is totally normal, (THANK YOU!). Too many times I can beat myself over beating myself up. Turns out it's more of a societal trend to judge and shame other parents because we want to know we're right, and how can two people be right if what they are doing is so different? But instead of me thinking all these moms were doing it wrong, I simply thought I was doing it wrong (not that I had any one person ever say this to me, but damn, some of those articles and blogs can shame me good). Also, I found out some of these moms thought I was judging them (what?!?!?!) and I can only guess because I am older maybe I should have my act together more (or maybe I'm just really good at faking it and it intimidates people... btw, fake confidence almost always comes across negatively from me and to me). Confiding in moms close to my age and older (or even wholehearted younger moms), I find that the saying, "The more you know, the more you realize you don't know" is SO TRUE! I take comfort in these moms who open up to me, are wholehearted, vulnerable, loving and share they too have no clue what they are doing, but do it anyway because really, what else are you going to do? Give up? Not exactly an option.
"I am resilient" has become my motto, and anyone who really knows me (I'm looking at you specifically Marisa and Heather) knows this is true. The life I've lived could have easily gone in a different direction, and in fact did for a couple of my siblings. Why am I resilient? I didn't give myself another option. It was live or die. Go big or go home. Feeling sorry for myself was a luxury I couldn't afford and I mean that literally. The couple of times I've felt sorry for myself it has cost me dearly financially as well as torn/broken relationships (although I must note, I learned from those times, grew stronger, and have better relationships and finances than ever). Asking for help is a sign of weakness, but there are some that step up to the plate (what I call a true friend) and others that just can't deal. No judgement, for the latter, but that's why I chose to surround myself with those who can (and want to!) deal. Some people step up when faced with a tragedy (resiliency) others shy away, run or shrivel up. I'd say I have a pretty good bounce back rate due to the fact I've had to build a great amount of resiliency in my life... I've had "practice". All this gives me the true confidence that I can make myself more vulnerable, and know I will survive what comes my way. I choose to be my true authentic self and live my true authentic life. NOT what I think I "should" do and be. All this while still learning to be a better person (not best, because I'm not trying to put that kind of pressure on!).
Thinking about others and putting aside my wants and desires to help someone else has always helped me see beyond myself. Is it always easy? Nope. Do I always want to help someone? Nope. But the way I see it, for my daughter, I don't have a choice, she is my responsibility and no one is going to do it for me. I want her to see selfishness as a vice and selflessness as a virtue.
